Some Things That Bug Me

As an expat from anywhere, wherever you are living in the world there are always going to be a handful of small and sometimes large things about your host country that irritate the hell out of you. So whilst trying not to sound like an irate 'Points of View' viewer, here are some of my pet hates about North Carolina. They irritate me because they are, to me, either downright stupidly pointless or downright dangerously dangerous.

• 'Why oh Why?' (!) do all public lavatory cubicles whether they be in shops, parks, restaurants, museums, cinemas have doors that end 1 foot above the floor and have doors that have a half inch gap all the way around them? They have a lock but what's the point when anyone queuing outside can 'hello' see you in there! So can all the kids (including mine) who think it's funny to peer through the gaps and under the doors. I'll bet someone will say it's so that kids can't get locked in...the great H&S phenomenon, but did you know that kids can escape? Oh yes they can and do, on several occasions Luke has found it highly amusing to duck and run from a cubicle when it is not very practical for me to pursue him. These loos really are the norm everywhere and I will let you know if I ever find a more private and secure one!

• Why oh why? Can't my toddler wear inflatable armbands in the swimming pool? Apparently it's because they may puncture. In a swimming pool? What? Both of them at the same time? C'mon? So do you think that as a not quite perfect, but a reasonably responsible parent I won't be able to see that a puncture may have occurred from 1 foot away from my child at the very most. Because even with or without a float device that's the distance he's going from me until he can swim at least 5 lengths! It's not like an armband puncture could be so spectacular as to propel a child into space or under water in the blink of an eye, could it? He must wear foam ones apparently, which he will not, because they are not the ones that he is used to, and, because he is a toddler and not a terrorist he will not negotiate. So, he just has to sit on the side crying until he complies....compliancy, let me tell you is not going to happen Dear Diligent Jobsworth Lifeguard and Mr/Ms H&S. Watch him, hear him and I dare you not to feel an incy wincy ounce of compassion. Surely parents have a better idea of the capabilities of their children than a 16 year old lifeguard.. Just saying.

• Why oh why? During Family Swim Time does the lifeguard at the pool have to blow a whistle and tell everyone to get out of the pool every 20 minutes? So imagine, everyone gets out, stands on the side, the pool is empty and everyone is left shivering in suspended animation while the lifeguard sits aloof nonchalantly looking at their watch, eventually they blow their whistle again and everyone can then apparently get back in the pool and resume enjoying themselves again...until the next whistle, when the seemingly pointless process resumes over again. I've asked the question a couple of times but no-one can give me a reasonable or coherent answer.

• Why oh why? Have all car manufacturers seemingly decided that 95% of cars on the roads of North Carolina do not require indicators? You need good ESP to anticipate most people driving around you here.

• Why oh why? Did the State of North Carolina only deem it necessary to make it illegal to text message whilst driving last December? And yet you can still talk and make calls on your phone whilst driving...and the majority do, and text, I see them all the 'blinking' time, I counted 6/10 talking on phones turning left out of a junction yesterday while I sat at the opposite red light....and as a consequence many people have needless and avoidable accidents which screw up everyone else's journeys and school runs. They also cause accidents that are fatal, but this fact doesn't seem to have sunk in yet despite compelling everyday evidence. I've also seen a man reading a book placed on a custom made steering wheel book holder whilst driving and countless people who have superdogs and even supercats that can drive cars. Another dimension to American pet obsession. Perhaps the pets are just helping out with the driving whilst their owners are making calls and sending text messages.

• Tipping. Oh dear, I may need to restrain myself on this one...but when exactly did it become COMPULSORY rather than DISCRETIONARY to tip everyone and anyone who may have accidentally or intentionally crossed your path in a 'service capacity' at the flat rate of 20%? In England, well OK, just going on the last time I was there, you 'tip' only if you receive good service in restaurants, salons and taxis, 10% is average, 15-20% for outstanding above and beyond and if your experience was none of the above you give nothing. Nada. Nobody dare prompt you, it's up to you...you decide, to the service provider a tip is a bonus not an expectation. So why is it acceptable for the girl who gave me a pedicure to say "I'll add $5 onto your card for service shall I?" No, you won't I replied, add $2.50 and find something you like about it. Or, at the hairdressers when while paying your bill you're asked if you'd like the 20% tip calculated for you and given a little brown envelope because really they would prefer cash, add it to the card only if you have to. Actually this could become a bigger rant, I have many examples, so I may take time to think about it more before sharing more experiences.

• Why oh why? Do waiting staff in some restaurants think it's OK to constantly like, every couple of minutes, interrupt your conversation to ask if everything is OK? Why do they also think it's acceptable to remove someones empty finished plates when there are people at the table still eating their meal. Yes OK, I'm normally the one still talking and still not finished but I've spent alot of time trying to have a conversation with my husband who I don't get to see all that much, almost putting my fork in my mouth before having to stop, nod, smile and reassure the waiter/waitress that we're absolutely fine and if there is anything at all we find we are missing or, that we could possibly think of or need to finish our meal in peace, WE WILL ASK, really and truly we will. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought that a knife and fork placed together on a plate was the best indicator that someone was finished with their meal and they were ready for their plate to be taken away. Grrrr.

Like I said, just some things.